sense of dread

it's like a shadow over me.

people first hear about me, then they meet me. they hear about the fanciful tie-ups i have in my family and assume i would have no problems getting my business at all. (and i really need to thank the person who cannot keep his mouth shut)

first, the prejudice. the pre-conceived smooth-sailing career they think i'm in for. honestly if i were them and i hear about such things about a person, i'd mark down the person in terms of capability. because of that damn notion, there's this inherent need to prove myself.

and then, whoever said it's easy doing business with people you're closest to? i'm running into shit problems just bringing the business in. i'm not supposed to ask questions and put the deal through just like magic? i'd rather not do the business.

anyhow, i got to be more careful at work. some people seem really nice, but with certain incidents you question their character. i was actually shell-shocked that this person looked at me and said nothing, did nothing, when i accidentally scalded my hand this morning. that she turned back to do her work right after. that i realised she actually watched me repeatedly doing the same thing that she did 'wrong' before, and said nothing. until i asked if it was right. it makes me sad but i'm trying not to think about it.

it's really hard to trust people this way. cut out the superficial talk, please. i'm done with it.

although i think the person i'm happiest talking to is my section head (the one above my boss), and he did ask me to drop by to look for him when i can, i think people will be watching.