it's been a long time. and i haven't had much time of my own to think, reflect.

was clearing my spam-filled hotmail when i saw amusing messages from long time ago. how my ex was really so possessive - but i somehow didn't see it that clearly. how a jc friend tried to reconnect and said that we missed the opportunity to be friends - but our emails died along the way. how a senior used to guide me in life and school - but we're both so caught up with our own lives now.

i guess as we get older, we lose ourselves and some people along the way. i hate when that happens and always wonder if i could have done more.

we get more cynical about the intentions of others. is he/she doing this for their own benefit? why are they suddenly being so nice to me? is this just temporary? are we interest-group friends? can i trust them with my personal thoughts and feelings?

sherry's (my dog) probably the most loyal one around right now -- shows how much trust i have in men, besides my bf -- and i'm not even sure how long she'll stick around. with her unfortunate life-threatening virus, nothing seems certain. as with life, actually.

a lil' nostalgic right now, recollecting the past.

all the could haves, should haves. i cherish what - and who - i have right now. it's just harder getting back what i've lost.

if you see this, it means you still remember me. (:

my day out with mum...

Took a couple of shots (complimentary, courtesy of someone who recommended)
Well, it's all in the name of fun. Glad we didn't have to pay for it!

the scare

got very worked up yesterday when my bro called me in the late morning while i was at work.

"tick fever. virus attacking her red blood cells. the vet says sherry has a 50-50 chance. he said we could buy and strike 4d if she recovered."

was already tearing when i heard that. and what sort of comment was that from the vet?! sherry wasn't her usual self the past few days..stopped eating..not even our human food which we slip to her sometimes. and she didn't growl in the mornings like she did. didn't really run around. didn't even come to the door to say bye to me when i left for work! she got bitten by ticks. ticks that were infected (not that common - vet said only 1 in 50 dogs get it - but she got it anyway..sigh)

rushed back during lunch to see her. apparently her ears were turning yellow - jaundice. iced her and force-fed her water. think she must hate me now. but it's for her own good.

went back to work all worried. when colleagues asked me what happened i starting breaking. one of them was mean enough to laugh when she found out the reason for my distress. it might sound ridiculous but i do treasure my puppy and i treat her as family - what's wrong with feeling the way i do?

really hopes she pulls through.

my new puppy sherry

meet sherry :) the frisky little jack russell.

who adorably clung tightly to me, shivering and afraid, on the very first day we got her.
who slept oh-so-soundly in the basket and cloths we prepared for her.
who peed, crapped and toppled her drinking bowl such that all three matters were a beautiful mesh.
(and we wondered how one small 3 month-old puppy could have stored so much ...)

who yelped and whimpered through the second night
but behaved on the third
and further delighted us by taking the initiative to crap on the newspapers!

sherry's getting smarter :)

one thing's for sure: it's sure not easy looking after a puppy!

things have been happening, one after another. are those His signs?

i think there's no bigger crisis than to be planning for a milestone event, and have your key personnel die on you (literally). the event is postponed and the whole company changes tack. we change too, according to the new leader.

managing uncertainty. being on call 24/7.

it consumes you and takes a toll on your physical, emotional and mental being. the trick is to draw a line.

but i can't help wondering when this would all be over.